He Holds It All Together

I'm not even sure where to start with this, other than to say that I definitely went to Women of Faith expecting God to move in my life but I had no idea that it would be this all consuming. I wish I could have taken notes but I feel like that would have been distracting. I was so focused on what everyone was saying that I couldn't even imagine looking away.  Ugh. All I want to do and need to do is pour out my heart and somehow express that overwhelming feeling I have had since Saturday morning.  I guess I should start with the times that I felt like I got slapped in the face. I can't think of who was speaking but they were talking about masks, having a front you put on in public or even with friends and family. For me that mask is ministry. I am going to be really honest right now and say that I have hidden in children's ministry for the past 2 years hoping that all of the issues I had would work themselves out. I am sure there are people that could see in my eyes ...

I saw Courageous recently and not only did it have an impact on the way I see fatherhood and create hope for the type of father I know John will continue to be, but it made me want to be a better mother. I am a Christian and have been since I was 8, but in the 3 years I have been a mother and the almost 5 years I have been a wife I have never actually sat down and written out the type of woman I want to be. I realize that may be confusing to people who don't know me but covenants are important to me. God made a covenant with us when He sent His son to die for our sins. We make a covenant with God and our spouse when we get married. Our vows are not just words, they have deep meaning behind them. When I told John that I would be by his side in sickness and in health, till death do us part-I meant every word of it. Seeing the resolution the for men made in Courageous reminded me of those covenants, so I want to make one with God, my husband, my kids, and my church family. So here is ...

Here is a little more about me... I have 2 amazing kids. They make the worst days worth it. I am married to a man I swear was made just for me. He deals with all of my worst qualities and instead of criticizing me, helps me to be better. I love children's ministry. Seeing kids worship the Lord is such an awesome experience and it sticks with you. I also love singing. I recently made the worship team at church and cannot wait to start singing on stage. BUT I am far from being ready. I have awesome friends. They pour so much into my life and mentor me without even realizing it. I love Macs!! A year ago I would not have said that. I was Windows all the way but now I have a MacBook Pro and LOVE everything about it. Macs are so much better for music, pictures and videos. I let "stuff" get in the way of my relationship with the Lord. That is my worst quality and it has been brought to my attention a lot lately. All I know to say is that I ask for forgiveness daily ...

This post will be short but it is awesome.  Our children's church sponsored a local DHS house and while wrapping the gifts we noticed that some of the kids didn't get much. John and I didn't have the money to buy anything so I went home and looked through my kids presents. I know that sounds weird but they had a lot of presents. I found a gift for the one year old boy out of Ainsley's presents.  When we went to the DHS house we got to watch the kids open their gifts. The one year old looked so sad but when he opened that present he lit up. It was such an awesome feeling.  A few days later on Christmas Eve we went to Wichita Falls to open presents with my family. My sister got Ainsley the same present we gave away to that one year old boy. I couldn't believe it. Normally, we tell each other what we are getting the kids but this year we didn't. I was in awe of what the Lord had done. This was a lesson that even the smallest things we do to help others coun...

I have never taken the time to write down what happened the day Toby was born. I think it is important to publish it somewhere so I can refer back to it later when I need to tell his future girlfriends or wife. Haha. Just kidding. My original due date was December 31, 2008. I had been struggling with high blood pressure my entire pregnancy and had been hospitalized three separate times because my doctor thought I was developing pre-eclampsia. Not fun. I felt so bad for John. I was on bed rest for the last 3 months of the pregnancy and he took off work to take care of me. (Amazing man!!) On top of all that I was going to the doctor once a week and having non stress tests done at the hospital twice a week. All of these appointments were in Edmond (20 or so                    miles from our house) so it took up a lot of our time, but it was about Toby. We wanted him to be ok. My doctor decided at 38 weeks that I was far enough al...

So in order to explain one of the best gifts I have been given I need to tell the back story. It's not necessary to understand, but what is the point of a blog if I don't reveal something personal? Haha. I know that blogs don't have to be personal, but mine is so here it is... I have believed in God and that Jesus is our savior for as long as I can remember. I have had very few moments in my life that I have doubted His existence. (I will be sure to blog about that later. What good is a testimony if I don't share it??) BUT the one thing I have never been able to grasp is His love for us. I can clearly see that He loves other people. I have always been able to see that. But me? Who am I to God that He would love me? I haven't written any books, or songs, I haven't reached millions of people with my testimony. I've hardly even told it. I'm not even really sure what my testimony is. My point is, I haven't done much to glorify God. What reason does H...

I got to go to my first ever conference and it just happened to be Women of Faith-Over the Top. I was so excited. I went ready for God to move in my life, but I had no idea how. I just wanted to feel something, and I did! I really enjoyed getting to spend time with my BLING sisters and getting out of the house for a little bit. There were several speakers and singers that were amazing. The things that stuck out the most to me is when Patsy Clairmont said, "God gave you a will that is stronger than your emotions." WOW. If that is something you do not know, hearing it is so freeing. It kind of reminds me of when my parents told me I could do anything I put my mind to. I can. If my emotions aren't in line with it, I can overcome that. Patsy also reminded me that change can be good. I guess it is one of those things that you know but in the heat of the moment you forget. Patsy has an awesome testimony so if you've never heard of her, look her up. Then there was ...