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The Best Gift.

So in order to explain one of the best gifts I have been given I need to tell the back story. It's not necessary to understand, but what is the point of a blog if I don't reveal something personal? Haha. I know that blogs don't have to be personal, but mine is so here it is...

I have believed in God and that Jesus is our savior for as long as I can remember. I have had very few moments in my life that I have doubted His existence. (I will be sure to blog about that later. What good is a testimony if I don't share it??) BUT the one thing I have never been able to grasp is His love for us. I can clearly see that He loves other people. I have always been able to see that. But me? Who am I to God that He would love me? I haven't written any books, or songs, I haven't reached millions of people with my testimony. I've hardly even told it. I'm not even really sure what my testimony is. My point is, I haven't done much to glorify God. What reason does He have to love me? My self talk is not positive at all. What I can't wrap my head around is how someone who knows absolutely everything there is to know about me would still love me. With all the people I've hurt and things I have done or haven't done He loves me.

Several events have taken place that have helped me learn that God does love me. One of these events brought a book into my life that in 2 days has confirmed His love over and over. 

Music has always been a HUGE part of my life. It can lift me up or bring me down. I love to sing but never had the guts to audition for choir, even in junior high. I let fear get in the way. When John and I joined Cornerstone I told him that I wanted to be part of the worship team, but there weren't any openings, so I chose to pursue an equally important calling in children's ministry. (In what I feel like my calling is, singing on a worship team ties into children's ministry. I didn't choose to be involved in children's ministry just because I couldn't be on the worship team.) A year later there was an announcement made at church that there were openings on the worship team. My first thought was, "AWESOME!!!!!!" but then I let fear and doubt get in the way, "You can't sing. People who say you can are lying. You can't do it. You don't have any education in music." So, with that I let it go. I figured that by the next Sunday they would have all the people I needed and I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. Then came Tuesday. 

I went to our weekly women's connect group at church(BLING) and they started talking about fear. The entire time I felt like they were talking to and about me. It was about not letting fear get in the way of the amazing plans God has for us. That is exactly what I was doing. I was afraid that I would be laughed out of the audition. It just so happened that the worship pastor was at BLING. I felt like the Lord was telling me to talk to her about auditioning. So I did. Her response was simple "pick up a packet this weekend." Wow. For some reason I had it in my head that it would be a big deal. So I got the packet and decided that I wasn't going to do it. The songs scared me. The idea of an audition was terrifying. Then a week or so later our worship pastor messaged me on facebook asking me to call and schedule a time for an audition. I called right away and I have no idea why. 

The audition was 2 days later and I was scared. My hands were sweaty and my voice was shaky. It felt like an eternity to get through. I made it. I actually made it. Philippians 4:13 got me through it. "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." 

 So on my first meeting with the worship pastor she gave me one of the best gifts I have ever gotten. "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. A 365 day devotional. It is the results of quiet times Sarah Young spent with the Lord so it is written as if He is talking to you. The inspiration for this blog came from today's entry:

 ‎"I love you with an everlasting love, which flows out from the depths of eternity. Before you were born I knew you. Ponder the awesome mystery of a love that encompasses you from before birth to beyond the grave..."

 I am going to let that speak for itself. If you made it through all that. Thank you. 

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