He Holds It All Together

This came out of something I feel God revealed to me the other day. I know I have talked about depression numerous times, but this is the best explanation. Imagine this. You are in a dark room. It is so dark that you aren't sure the size of the room, or what is in it with you. You aren't even sure how you got there. As you look in the distance in front of you, you see a door cracked just enough to see that there is light on the other side. The door looks like it is beyond reach, but you decide you need to try. Then you look around. There is a problem. You have no idea what stands between you and that door. It is so dark you cannot see your own hand and as you call out for help you realize that no one can hear you. Maybe they haven't noticed you are gone. Maybe they don't care . So you pray, but it feels like God can't hear you amidst all the darkness. Paralyzed with fear you eventually force yourself to sleep, only to jar yourself awake a couple hours later. That

Did you ever fall on the playground as a kid? I know I did. Most days when I fell I would quickly get back up, dust myself off and go about my business. Then there were the bad days. I would fall and stay there. I remember thinking that staying on the ground was just easier. If I never got up I would never fall again. I would sit there lost in thought about how not getting up was easier and that the idea of sitting during recess was better than falling again. "At least I didn't get hurt this time. If I get up I could fall again and break my leg, or bust my head open or even die!" (Yes, at times I was THAT kid). Then I would hear, " Are you okay?!?" Ah! Here comes someone to save the day. They would reach out their hand, help me back up and keep holding on until they knew I was stable on my own two feet. Once stable I would realize that staying on the ground was overrated. It was much better to take the chance that I would fall again. As an adult I have falle

I had a "am I ready, am I doing enough" crisis today. Like usual, I have to spill my guts on here to get it out of my head. Here is my thinking: I know that things are happening and we are closer than ever to Jesus coming back! I also know that a lot needs to happen. I am holding out for a worldwide revival. (Call me a dreamer...I don't care...) I read somewhere today that millennials are leaving the church in "droves." What's up with that? Really. It went on to say that people who consider themselves, "none of the above" rose from 17% to 23% . If that isn't a wake up call I don't know what is.  I've gotten off track. Anyway, with all that going on I was having a serious crisis over what I am supposed to be doing with my life and if I am doing enough. So far the answer is, I am doing what I feel like God has for me at this season in my life but, I'm not doing it with a Christ like attitude and at times, I don't do it to glor

***I am not excluding moms who are moms because of marriage, adoption or anything else. We are all equally awesome and you guys may even be more awesome because you made a conscious decision to raise and love someone else's child unconditionally. To dads out there: you are up next!***  -We (moms) have the uncanny ability to sense in our sleep when one of our kids is running a fever, wide awake, wet the bed, in need of a diaper change, is too cold, and the list goes on.  One night I awoke from a deep sleep and knew I needed to check on my kids. When I got to my oldest I found out why; he was running a fever. Score one for the mommy's!! -We have a wide range of knowledge on things that don't necessarily interest us.  I can sing the theme songs to a wide variety of cartoons and have entire movies memorized. I am also fluent in basketball and football and have even been able to get through whole episodes of SportsCenter. I know which "it" toys to avoid fo

I have felt the need to write this out for awhile. I have no idea why. I feel like this is all over the place and will make me sound crazy but I also feel like it is important for some reason unknown to me at this time. This is something that at the moment I battle on a daily basis. I am worn but Wednesday I feel like God told me to keep getting up. I refuse to give in. I refuse to let it take over. I refuse to let the devil win. I refuse to let him distract me from my calling. So here is my story. Here is the reason I am worn, but still finding the strength (thanks to a BIG God) to get back up. I'm not sure when it all started. For as long as I can remember I have been fearful. I know that my first struggle with depression started on September 11, 2001. I was in 7th grade in my 2nd period class when a teacher ran into our classroom screaming and crying, "TURN ON THE TV! A PLANE CRASHED INTO THE WORLD  TRADE CENTER!!" My teacher turned on the TV and not even a minute

I got behind on my devotions, like I always do, so tonight I am playing catch up. One of the devotions I do on YouVersion is about prayer and wants me to tell someone 10 things I am grateful for and why. I am currently in a very quiet house so the only way I can tell "someone" is to write it on here. So here it is... First and foremost I am grateful for my Savior. Why? I am really bad about not reading my Bible everyday and not praying as much as I know I need to, but when I do get back into it He is right there waiting for me. No one on this earth would do that. I know I wouldn't be there for someone that constantly walked away from me when I made it so easy for them to include me in their life. God does. I have learned that there is nothing I could do to change that and grateful doesn't even begin to describe how that makes me feel. Next is my husband...there are so many reasons I am grateful for him. He is an amazing father, a great husband, an inspirational lea