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"Manifesto"

I have no idea why I started this blog, but I am hoping that sometime soon I will figure it out. I guess I could start with what is going on to me right now, even though I was hoping to start out with something positive. I need to free my mind of all the thoughts in my mind.

Lately I have been struggling with everything. I have been feeling like a lot of my friends don't care anymore and I really do not like that feeling. I have talked to all of my closest friends since then but I think instead of trying to fix it, I made it worse. So I've been trying to get my mind off of it and give it to God. I know He is in control of everything but I just have to let go and that is extremely hard to do.

In the process of trying to let go I made the mistake of reading something someone said about me last year about how horrible of a human being he thinks I am. It actually got me thinking- I'm having trouble maintaining all these friendships so is he right? Probably. That's where I am right now. It's pretty pathetic actually. I don't even know why I am even putting this on here other than I am pretty sure no one is going to read it.

Whatever is going on I am in the process of snapping out of it. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it is already too late to salvage what I have already ruined. Stupid PPD, but I can't blame everything on that. So I have been trying to wrap myself up in music all day. Christian music is a huge comfort to me and when I am having days like I have today and lately I can easily find songs with words that help me get through the day and eventually lead to healing. I'm just not there yet.

The song that for some reason has gotten me through today is "Manifesto" by The City Harmonic. It's mostly the Lord's prayer but the way they sing it really helps me.

"We believe in the one true God
We believe in Father Spirit Son
We believe that good has won

And all of the people of God sing along

Amen

We are free He died and lives again
We will be a people free from sin
Well be free a kingdom with no end

And all of the people of God sing along

Amen

Our father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who have trespassed against us
Lord lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
For thine Is the kingdom, power and the glory forever

We’re singing –
Amen"
Maybe it helps because it reminds me of what being a Christian is about. For some reason there is some kind of freedom in the last few lines of the song "Lord lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, For thine is the kingdom, power and the glory forever we're singing- Amen." I think it is in the way they sing those words, especially when they say "deliver us from evil." I'm not really sure that there is a lot of evil going on in my current situation but it makes me feel better and I need that right now.

I guess that's it for now. I hope that if someone reads this they don't find me overly pathetic. I am just trying to get this out so I can figure out how to make myself better so I don't lose more friends than I already have.

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