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Eternity. (4ever)




I've been avoiding this since last night. Well actually since Saturday night. I feel the need to make a confession about myself. I guess now it would be making a confession about my past. The Lord has helped me overcome a stronghold I have had for years. I struggled with fear, but not just what is known as "normal" fear. I feared "the end." Those of you who go to Cornerstone might know where I am going with this...
I don't know if it was because of the scare tactics various churches used when I was little or just an opening I gave the devil, but I was convinced that no matter what I was going to be left behind. I thought the saving grace God applies to His children applied to everyone but me. Yes, I am 22 and a dedicated worker to children's ministry and I struggled with something so basic to Christianity. Very few people knew how deep and all consuming this fear was in my life. It always seemed to show its face at my most vulnerable times. Especially right before I found out I was pregnant with Ainsley and right after I had her. Looking back, I feel so bad for John and Christy. They had to hear me blubber on about it so many times. I felt crazy and I'm sure at times it seemed like I actually was.
But enough of the bad. Pastor Ron started a series called "the end" 5 weeks ago. I attended the first sermon because it started the same day John and I were being baptized. Then I started to allow things to keep me from going for the rest of the series. (For those of you that have made it this far, I want/need you to know how hard this confession is, especially since I go to church with and/or respect a lot of you). The final sermon in the series was Saturday and Sunday. Christopher was being ordained Saturday night so we went to service. (We had only been going on Wednesdays). I was extremely fearful of what I would hear, I even had a plan of ways I could mentally distract myself. The good news is, I didn't need it. I opened myself up to whatever would be said, fear or not, and I am so glad that I did. Pastor Ron said a peace comes with reading the book of Revelation, I was blessed enough to recieve a peace that night. I cannot describe the transition from fear to peace because I didn't even know what was happening. Pastor Ron was talking about the 1000 years of peace after Jesus' second coming and I just started thinking about how cool it all was. The supernatural things that are going to happen are just amazing.
I didn't realize until Sunday morning that my fear was gone. It is an awesome feeling, one that can only be describe by those that have expericened it. Anyway, this is a long explanation of God's grace and love. He took something away from me that had been holding me back for years. I felt like for some reason this was something the Lord wanted me to share. I don't know if there is someone out there that needs to hear this. (Although I'm not sure it's important enough). I know that I learned a lot and realize a lot of foolish mistakes I made just to avoid something I feared. I let the devil hold me back. I have taken a lot from this experience and know how wrong I was for what I did. I am so thankful for the freedom and clarity that has come with this peace and the excitement over one word....ETERNITY!!




Picture: Eternity Arthur Stace (c) Trevor Dallen, Fairfax Photos

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